stones for grief support

I have written about grief quite a bit. For year, actually, I had a blog devoted to discussing grief and parenting. It surprises me that I haven't written about stones for grief support. Why crystals for grief? We often feel helpless when others are walking through the Dark Valley of grief and loss. We ourselves feel lost and in a dark wood when we have lost someone close to us. I certainly walk through cycles of grief in my life. My daughter died on Winter Solstice, and the time when the day is shortest, I begin my descent into the cold world of grief. And yet, it isn't as desolate and cold as I imagine. Grief is the deepest expression of love and longing. We do not grieve that which is unimportant to us. Each year as it approaches my daughter's death day and birthday, I find myself remembering those dark days of comprehending the impermanence of the human condition, and the reality that we will live without her bright soul. I welcome that time. For most of the year, I live this life without her. It is an ache I have grown accustomed to. Yet there is something comforting and necessary about my season of grief. Rather than a sad time, it is a time for my family to come together and love her, honor her, parent her. We hold her together, our collective memory, our survival of this horrible situation.

This grief grid was created for grieving parents on Kindness Day in 2013. It contains Rose Quartz, Green Aventurine, Dravite, and Apache Tears. Under the center stone contains the names of the parents and the child they lost. 

This grief grid was created for grieving parents on Kindness Day in 2013. It contains Rose Quartz, Green Aventurine, Dravite, and Apache Tears. Under the center stone contains the names of the parents and the child they lost. 

We tend to label grief as BAD. But in my experience, grief opens a door to love. It is a heart-centered experience. And grief is not just one emotion. It is an experience of many emotions and thoughts--joy, gratitude, anger, sadness, longing, loneliness, guilt, pride, compassion, empathy, selfishness...I could go on all day. Remember it is when we suppress emotions, feelings, instincts, that our body begins to manifest dis-ease. But when we honor the emotion--good, bad, ugly--we honor all of our human-ness. That is why we are here, after all. A spiritual being having a human experience.

Crystal support during these times of grief is incredible helpful. Most crystals recommended for grief support help us remain heart-centered. The first stone mentioned with grief support usually is Apache Tear. Apache Tear is a form of Black Obsidian. The lore around Apache Tear dates back to the late 1800s. A group of Apache warrior in battle against US Calvary were outnumbered and facing defeat. They chose to ride off a cliff than be killed by the American soldiers. It is said that the women of the tribe cried tears on the mountain over their fallen men, and their tears turned to stone as they hit the ground. Apache Leap Mountain is where this took place, it located in Southeastern Arizona. It is quite beautiful there. You can read more about the legend here. Because of this lore, it is said to assist with grief and loss. 

Another beautiful stone for grief support is Dravite, or Champagne Tourmaline. It is a dark brown Tourmaline, and it is wonderful to help ground and emote. And also it is wonderful for self-care and self-love, which are two things most of find difficult in times of emotional struggle.

I am also fond of Smoky Quartz for grief support as it is a strong protector and grounder. Remember that most of our fears of emoting and feeling grief is feeling out of control, or that once we start crying we will not stop. These black stones actually help you feel safe, secure and allow you to emote. It also protects your feelings from others. Think of how vulnerable we feel when we are emotional or grieving. If we see a Hallmark commercial, we burst into tears. Well, these dark stones--Dravite, Smoky Quartz and Apache Tear--help protect your EMF and keep your feelings to yourself.

I also include heart stones in grief mojo bags or grids. Some great stones to includes are Rhodochrosite, Rose Quartz, Green Aventurine, and Garnet, which is not usually put into the mix here with grief, but I think it is a wonderful ally.

So, you have these stones, now what? I love to gift a mojo bag of stones to a friend who has just lost a relative, friend or pet. But grief is not limited to the death of someone. We experience grief when our marriage falls apart, or we lose a job, or get sick and face a new way of living. Grief experience should not be limited to one experience of grief--death. So, yes, MOJO BAGS! It is a great support. I also love to create grids for my friends who are experiencing grief or death anniversaries. And send them distance Reiki. I always ask permission (Number one rule of energy work!).


This week I mentioned Rhodochrosite in my Tarot of the Week for the Three of Swords, and with some hard heart situations for me this week, as well as the holidays coming up, I thought it was the perfect time to discuss the tunning Rhodochrosite.

A few years before I began taking my coursework for my Crystal Healing Certification, I had a normal kind of week. My third eye was very open to signs, coincidence and messages from my guides. Really, what I had been doing was intensely working with crystals to open my third eye.  At the time, I didn't much work with heart chakra stones on my own. Funnily, though, when working with other healers, they all felt that my heart was almost entirely closed. Years of grief and isolation closed up my ability to give and receive love properly. Man, did I really have that upside down! The heart is the way to the third eye. All the lower chakras are keys to psychic work. In fact, you must must must balance the other chakras. It is imperative to not only good physical health, but psychic, emotional and mental health. I didn't know. All I wanted was to have these messages I had been getting all my life to be clear, for me to see what I needed to see. Clarity was my goal.

For that week, it seemed every book I opened mentioned Rhodochrosite. A crystal card would fall out of the pack and inevitably there would be Rhodochrosite staring at me from the floor.  I turned on one of my favorite Blog Talk Radio show and they mentioned Rhodochrosite, which is strange, because it is not a common stone, per se. It culminated to a weekend class I took where the instructor was wearing a massive pendant of, you guessed it, Rhodochrosite. It was so stunningly beautiful, so rich in texture and color, I was in love. And in that one week, I had no less that six signs about Rhodochrosite. A few weeks later, at a gem show, I found an entire jar of natural Rhodochrosite, and bought it up, then began working with it.

It was then that I really heard the message my guides had been telling me. Fix the heart, and the psychic abilities will follow. And so, in earnest, I began really focusing on any heart blockages. See, I thought that if my heart was open, I would be a gaping wound, ready to be easily injured. That also is a heart chakra imbalance, the one of being too open.


This long opening (sorry!) is a way of reminding you to pay attention to your guides, and the crystals they are bringing into your life. Let every interaction be a conversation with your guides, angels, and the Divine.  If you spend a day in that kind of receptive space, it is amazing what you find out about how to heal your own spirit, and truly, how to be of service to others. When I began reading and working with Rhodochrosite, I simply could not believe how perfect it was for me and where I was in my healing. This is why I think it is so important for people to head to a crystal shop and just take off your reading glasses, so to speak. Just go where you want to go, touch the stones you want to touch, place them on your third eye or heart,and feel the energy. Choose based on what you are most attracted to, either visually attracted to, or vibrationally attracted to. 

So, Rhodochrosite is a stone of self-love and self-compassion. With a Mohs hardness of 3.5-4 (watch for water), it grows in a hexagonal system (trigonal too), and so it is great for five pointed star grids, for my grid students. Where Rhodochrosite's beautiful healing is most felt is in the wake of trauma and healing. It helps gently move the energy away from this fear for survival to trusting again. It is also wonderful to remembering those repressed memories that have created energetic blockages. But without the kind of extreme, demanding memories that mark say working with Malachite. Not that Malachite is bad, but it simply is less gentle than Rhodochrosite for this heart healing work. 

Interestingly, Naisha Ahsian notes that it is a great heart bridge for lower chakra and upper chakra work, which is exactly why my guides were probably pushing this stone at that exact time. For me, the key to Rhodochrosite, what made it such a game changer in my life, lies in the concept of self-compassion. There is a wonderful book by a psychologist Laura Neff called Self-Compassion. She lays out very specific ways to work with this concept. For me, Rhodochrosite IS the stone of self-compassion. If we see self-compassion tweaked and moved into an unhealthy place, it is self-pity. Self-pity, I like to say, is self-compassion run riot. Self-compassion isn't "Poor Me;" it is an acknowledgement that what we went through was suffering. We sit with it without running the story line over and over again. We simply let ourselves feel the grief, as we would with another. We hold ourselves. And then we move to the next feelings. Rhodochrosite remains the best ally we have for this heart chakra work.

Personally, I think Rhodochrosite resonates beautifully with the energy of Dravite, or Champagne Tourmaline, and Almandine Garnet. These are Root Chakra stones that really can support and ground your self-compassion work. The grids I have created when doing self-compassion and healing work have included these three stones. 

A beautiful affirmation for Rhodochrosite is

I heal all wounds from this life, past lives and future lives with compassion, attention and love.