Saying the wrong thing

from the Chrysalis Tarot by Toney Brooks and Holly Sierra

from the Chrysalis Tarot by Toney Brooks and Holly Sierra

from my June 2020 Newsletter, which you can subscribe to here.

I don’t always know what to say when the world is in turmoil. And particularly in this moment when there is violence and righteous anger. When people are so polarized and afraid, it feels like chaos. This is another Tower moment for us as a nation. First COVID-19 had us tumbling out of the Tower. My friend Sharon Muzio said we are in a Tower moment with COVID-19, but we still are in mid-air, not in the Tower and not on the ground yet. And now, the country faces nationwide protests. The president calls for militarization and more police presence, while peaceful protests move forward. It is as though we are still falling out of the Tower, and now we are seeing the Tower collapse underneath us as we are still in mid-air, unsure of where we will land.

We are razing the beast, hopefully. Kali, the Dark Mother, comes in for this work. She is a goddess of death and rebirth. The tall Tower of oppression and systemic racism needs to fall. But it is all we know. Truthfully, I am here for it. But in this way? Seeing black people genuinely losing their freedom, arrested or worse, facing bodily injury to speak the truth of police brutality and racism in the streets. Tanks rolling into town. The infamous pictures of police with raised batons hitting people, black people, injured faces from rubber bullets and fear. We are hearing mixed reports of who is causing the looting and rioting—protesters or implants to make the protesters seem violent. We honestly do not know. It suddenly seems like we have woken up in another world. We were isolated in our homes, and now the streets are filled. But this is OUR world. We created this. So, we watch it come down, frightened and unsure how to move forward. We ask Kali to guide this destruction so we can rebuild and rebirth into a different world where we no longer have to say Black Lives Matter, because of course, they do. We see that sentiment in action in our government, in our actions, in our consciousness. 

I really struggled with my monthly offerings this week. Is Tarot silly in lieu of all this? What could I possibly offer right now? Is it spiritually bypassing this suffering to talk about woo-woo energy healing, earth medicine allies, tarot, journeying...I talk a little about this in my monthly reading (See below). But I mostly really struggled with speaking at all.

 - I want to say my heart hurts, but I know it is not enough and, besides, my heart is not at issue here.
 - I want to scream when I see another black man killed, but I am afraid of showing you my anger. 
 - I want to cry and throw a tantrum about all the pain black people in this country have suffered for 400 years, but I don’t want it to be about me (I am afraid you will comfort me and not do anything else.)
 - I want to walk away from the news and media and forget this is happening, but I don’t want to fall back on my privilege to be able walk away from this pain since black people cannot walk away from this ever.
 - I am afraid of saying the wrong thing in the wrong way. 
 - I am afraid of saying the right thing in the wrong way. 
 - I am afraid of saying the right thing in the right way. 
 - I am afraid you will see my own wounds around racism and being a Latinx womyn. 


I have always tried to be vocal about my dedication to anti-racism and intersectional feminism. But I feel vulnerable showing these things as a spiritual teacher. There is a belief that we need to be above politics and not in the fray of polarized views. We are not supposed to watch the news or care about this stuff. I hear it all the time. the news is too toxic and full of fear-mongering and low vibrational energy. We are just spirit, right? Heaven forbid that we show anger. Anger is so demonized in our metaphysical community. So, yeah, not talking about peace and love and light is scary.

And yet this time is calling for us to move into the fear and talk anyway. We cannot be afraid to make mistakes, to be corrected, to lose people offended by anti-racist views, to say something perceived as racist or oblivious or privileged. We cannot know what we do not know. So, I am trying to remain fearless and teachable.

I believe wholeheartedly that Spiritual work is about justice and balance. We need to be speaking out and connecting the Spirit with the physical body. Spirituality is not for the privileged few who are not in physical danger or threatened with injustices. In fact, I would argue, that is EXACTLY who we are here for. So, if you are wanting to learn more, welcome BIPOC (this stands for Black, Indigenous, People of Color) into your circles—spiritual and secular. Do the work you can do around your own internalized racism and subconscious racism. We can do this, not by asking black people to explain it to us, but by reading about it. Some great places to start:

Layla Saad in the Guardian put together an Anti-Racist reading list

Buy from black owned bookstore if you can.

Layla Saad has a wonderful course/workbook/book called Me and White Supremacy that is such an eye-opener.

This piece by Layla Saad is SO IMPORTANT. It is called "I need to talk to spiritual white women about white supremacy (Part One)

Dr. Robin DiAngelo on White Fragility and Why It's So Hard for White People to Talk About Racism

If you have some money to donate to causes, here is a list of good organizations to support right now.

Support BIPOC teachers, educators, and writers. Often Black teachers will have a paysite (Venmo or PayPal) linked on their bio in Instagram so you can directly support their writing and work. They often do so much free education on Instagram and Social Media outlets for people who want to learn how to be allies.

* * * * * * * *

This month, our June allies came forth strongly, and as I have sat with them for a few days, I realize that they are so apt. If you are a membership subscriber, Tiger came through as an ally for us this month, so your shamanic journey with tiger will be emailed out. June 5th is the last super moon. It is in Sagittarius, and there is an eclipse. Plus, Mars is a perfect Square and June is facing 7 planets in retrograde. So, hold on for the ride. For us spiritually focused folk, our medicine allies can help us navigate these crazy times, so practice exquisite energetic hygiene and self-care. Ask me if you need some help.


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